I have been wanting to create a very SIMPLE and EASY to read list of rules for the home. The problem is I can come up with about 50 (not simple or always easy) to follow rules. My goal is to frame these in a good location where we will see them frequently! I have been butting heads with Nojah lately and it seems like the arguing just goes in circles. Many say it's the age. Well that isn't a good enough excuse for me. The things I am tired of hearing are I WANT, WHY DON'T I GET TO EVER DO ANYTHING I WANT?, WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?, I, I, I, I, etc!! Honestly this phase doesn't seem to be phasing out and I would love to hear simple family rules that all you guys out there had as kids or rules you have for your kids. I'd like to be able to say go look at the "family rules" instead of getting into the non-ending arguments that we have been having. Maybe"rules" isn't the right word either............. maybe "guidelines, values, morals," I don't know, just looking for some direction on easier ways to avoid conflict at home. Seriously, how do you get children to appreciate the opportunities and experiences as well as all the things they have?
I would love to hear any ideas from ANYONE who even runs across my blog even by accident! Please help me!
****My ultimate goal with this post is to find the 5 best rules to be framed in our house. You know the "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" type of rules, simple to read and simple to understand. Thanks in advance!! HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEK!!
8 comments:
Thank you SO much for your encouragement! A lot of my worry isn't even with the kids tho...its my big kid too. If ya know what I mean. He is so very dependant on me, and I know it is probably mostly him, but I never know how much of it is because of his brain injury. I know that with prayer and support from you and my other family tho, it will work out!
About the "rules"....Wow. I feel your frustration. I haven't come up with a good plan of action either, but I did learn from an article once to give the kids choices. Lets say for example. If we are in the store and Danny is begging, begging, begging me for a toy or candy or whatever it may be. I tell him this "ok, you can have the toy and stay here or you can put it back and come home with me" It really amazed me how well this worked. The older kids would be like "fine, I'll stay here then" im sure, so I don't use that really with Jake, but I can still get away with it on the other two. Another example. Isaac will say about chores. "Why do I have to do everything." I just remind him of all the things that I do and give him examples of life on a farm and of how few responsibilities he really actually has. SOOOO i don't know if this helps you At All, but hopefully it can shed some light on your situation. It's tough and it only gets tougher.....wait till he's 12 and he thinks he is an adult HA HA HA
I'll give it some thought and get back to you! In the meantime one of the things I learned that I've never forgotten is that no matter what they say to you, AFTER you've given your (really good) answer and they come back and say "But.." and then start arguing you say: "Nevertheless" or "Regardless." Example. "But Mommmmmm...I NEVER get to...!" Your response: "Nevertheless, I said..." and then repeat what you already told them. Drives them crazy!!! It helps though. At least you don't have to argue continually. You just have to keep repeating yourself. ;) I will think about the rule thing. I'm at work now so will have to comment more later. Love ya!
I've heard of a family mission statement that is for the whole family to support and talks about the objects of the family and what the family identifies as being important in life. That could be the foundation for the "guidelines" that need to be followed to support the mission statement.
As for specifics, heck I don't know. When you get something, make a copy for me to put in my house for the future!;)
Tausha
I meant objectives, not objects. So much for previewing my comment before I posted!
Tausha
Tim had his poker buddies over last night so after helping my friend move I came home to a house full of men. I went downstairs and turned on the TV and Supernanny was on. That woman (Jo Frost) just cracks me up (she has the funniest looks on her face when she's observing the family at the beginning of the show--that look of incredulousness). She does know her stuff... She always has great advice and lots of charts for the parents and kids to keep track. I've put the link for the charts here. If you go to the site there are other tips too.
Some rules I would consider:
Be respectful--No backtalking, no bad language, always speak about others in a positive way, etc. No lying, cheating, etc. (You can meet with the kids and discuss with them what that means in your family)
Chores are mandatory--kids should be required to keep their rooms cleaned up (it's really YOUR room--not theirs, they just have the privilege of residing there). ;) There are many age-appropriate chores that don't take a lot of time too (feeding dog, emptying dishwasher, folding towels, etc.). I don't think kids should be paid for chores--they need to learn to work for the sake of working. They're not going to get paid to keep their own houses clean some day! However, I do think that younger kids who aren't old enough to go to work should get some kind of allowance so that they learn the value of money--they should be required to save 10 pct of it, give a percentage ("experts" recommend another 10%)to some kind of charity of their choice and then spend the rest on whatever their little hearts desire. It doesn't have to be a lot of money, but I think it's important. We had one child (who will remain nameless ;) ) that was constantly taking money from others because they didn't have any way of getting their own. That was not a fun thing to try to resolve.
Another rule: Be where you say you're going to be. (If child goes to Joey's house--they stay at Joey's house unless they call and ask if they can go elsewhere. (If child is unable to reach parent to ask, it's an automatic "no.")
Well, you asked for stuff and I sat here and brainstormed. I didn't really give any real rules. You might want to keep track of the things that are really bugging you and then have a family meeting and create rules from those things. You may not agree with my ideas and they may not work for you. Sarah will probably read this and tell you that I didn't do a lot of these things. She's right. LOL I wish I knew then what I knew now. PLUS...it's harder to enforce rules than it is to talk about them.
Oh, one thing I did do (although the kids might not remember): I think it's not good to be too rigid when it comes to saying "No." There were times that I said 'no' and I changed my mind later. It wasn't because the kids whined and whined though. They had to be respectful when they told me that I wasn't being fair (meaning they could tell me that respectfully and then let it drop cuz I firmly believe that "No means No." Sometimes I would think about whatever they wanted though and then determine that they were right--I wasn't being fair, I was just being lazy and saying 'no' cuz I didn't want to deal with the situation. So, a parent rule might be: Admit when you are wrong and be flexible (but only when you've been a total jerk about it and when the kids haven't whined and thrown a total tantrum over your decision).
You are a totally awesome mom and I am impressed with your parenting skills. Just remember to praise, praise, praise--something else I didn't do well. Our kids are awesome but I didn't tell them often enough. I just noticed what they weren't doing instead of what they were doing. Hindsight is so 20/20!!!!
You'll probably have to cut and paste to get to the following links. I think you're probably sorry you asked for advice!
http://www.supernanny.com/Reward-
Charts.aspx
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=665&e=expertadvice&catparcode=ps_bhvdsphbts&ccat=PS_Discipline&content=37064
I think a simple and direct rule is - Always Show Respect. Your kids are probably old enough to understand what respect means. Showing respect includes people and things (no slamming doors or throwing things, etc.) Showing respect encompasses everything, I think.
Something I try to do is not say no too quickly and look for opportunites to say yes. If the kids want cookies while I am fixing diner, instead of saying no, I tell them they can have cookies as soon as their dinner is eaten. If Brittany wants to do something with her friends and it doesn't work with my schedule I try to pick another day that works for both of us. If the kids want something at the store I simply look at my list and say "It's not on the list and I didn't plan for it in the budget. Lets talk at home about what you can do to earn money to buy it next time." Usually by the time we get home they don't even remember what they wanted.
Sometimes you do have to say no and then stick with it. No matter how bad the whining may be don't change a no to a yes because they quickly learn to play you.
I wish I could say that they figure it out and life is peaceful. Unfortunately part of being a kid is testing the rules as much as possible. I do think when they feel you are showing them respect they are more willing to show you respect. And making choices is what life is all about so they need to know that there are consequences for their choices, good and bad.
I know I am not an expert. After being a mom for almost 17 years I am still learning. And what works for one kid doesn't work for the next. I think you are an awesome mom! You give your kids so many wonderful experiences but they might not appreciate them until they are older. Be patient and know that they really do love you.
That was a lot of rambling on my part. I hope it makes sense and I hope it helps you some. Good Luck!
Good advice. After reading it I can think of a rule I ALWAYS enforce. Absolutely NO WHINING. Aaaagh. I cannot stand whining.
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